


Spanking Eros

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-17
Updated: 2004-06-17
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:14:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: Another tale for a sick rat





	Spanking Eros

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Title: Spanking Eros

 

Author/Pseudonym: Ursula

 

Fandom: X Files

 

Pairing: Mulder/Skinner/Krycek

 

 

Rating: R

 

 

Status: Complete

 

Date Posted: 6-17-04

 

Archive: FHSA 

 

 

E-mail address for feedback: Fan4Richie or Ursula4X@aol.com

 

 

Classification: X Files Fairy Tale Discipline Humor

 

Series/Sequel: Is this story part of a series: Sequel to The Fox, he Rat, and The Badger

 

Web Site: http://fhsarchive.com/ursula/

 

 

Disclaimers: X Files belongs to the mythos of Chris Carter

 

 

Notes: Not to be taken internally or seriously

 

 

Warnings: Discipline

 

 

Time Frame: Never Never

 

 

 

 

Spanking Eros

 

Walter carried Alex into the house and all the way up the stairs. His lover was limp as a cat in midday heat and seemed as content.

 

Mulder had gone ahead to prepare the bed, making sure that the sheets were cool, without so much as a wrinkle. Alex's get-well cards from everyone were displayed on the wall with William's crayon-drawn poster in the middle. Mulder's son had drawn a small stick figure to represent himself. Many small arrows jumped to a larger figure that was supposed to William's beloved Uncle Alex. The arrows were mump germs, William said. Mulder had winced at the depiction of Alex; William with the heedlessness of youth had drawn Alex with only one arm, the other, the prothesis, was at his feet. Both stick figures had enormous swollen cheeks.

 

"Perfect?" Mulder asked, rearranging the pitcher of ice water for the third time in as many minutes.

 

"Great," Alex said.

 

"The Gunmen sent a couple vids over they thought you might like," Mulder said.

 

"Not in the mood, my balls still are sore," Alex said as Walter fluffed his pillows for him.

 

"You want to rest?" Walter asked.

 

"Maybe," Alex said. "I want another story."

 

Mulder thought he had created a monster. Alex was insatiable for more fairy tales and he wasn't content unless they were specially adapted to reflect his life with his lovers.

 

"Walter this time," Mulder said, smirking.

 

"You think I can't do it?" Walter said. "Well, Agent Mulder, sit your ass down and learn from the master."

 

"The pillows are all wrong," Alex complained.

 

"I'll rearrange them," Walter said.

 

"You would make a better pillow," Alex said.

 

"I would, wouldn't I?" Walter said, sliding behind his lover on command.

 

"And my feet want up," Alex fretted.

 

"We're spoiling you," Mulder said. 

 

At Alex's hurt look, Mulder added, "I love spoiling you. You want me to rub your feet too?"

 

"That would be very nice, thank you," Alex replied.

 

All settled, Alex smiled and said, "Now, my Walter story."

 

Clearing his throat, Walter said, "Zeus, the king of the Gods, had a great deal of trouble in his life. He had naughty subordinates who took off without explanation and created havoc all over the earth. He had to answer to a higher pantheon of gods who made his life hell and never gave him a big enough budget to really run the earth."

 

"Oh, poor, Zeus," Mulder said, "I bet he had some compensations though."

 

"As a matter of fact, he did," Walter said. "One of them was a naughty, but very pretty godling by the name of Eros."

 

"Oh, an erotic fairy tale," Alex cooed.

 

"Yes, now listen," Walter said.

 

OooOooO

 

Zeus strode into the hall of the gods and gazed about with a frown. He knew Eros was back and the boy was going to get a whopping right on his sacred ass.

 

Hera entered at the same time, tiresome female as she was. It had been a stroke of genius to challenge her to take on a human life by saying that she was much too...ahem, classic, to be able to pass for a modern woman. It had bought him forty years of peace, but now she was back, having been murdered, most Fowley.

 

Hera snapped, "I'm winning and I should be Queen of the Gods. Mulder's with Scully."

 

OooOooO

 

"Mulder was with Scully in this story?" Alex inquired, wrinkling his nose.

 

"It's just for the purpose of conflict and crisis," Walter said. "Now, shush!"

 

Walter continued:

 

"Don't have a cow," Zeus said, with a snicker. He had invented that very phrase as a way to get under Hera's chiton and itch. "The game isn't done until the last card is dealt."

 

Sniff, Hera's patrician nose wrinkled and she laughed. "You don't have a chance. What ever made you think that your stupid cupid would ever have a chance against my wit? The fool seduced your players and set them at odds with each other. You would think he was on my side."

 

The ice queen of heaven marched off.

 

Zeus just then noticed that his favorite orgy statue held one pair of buns more than it did yesterday. Aha, there was the brat.

 

"Ganymede, come here, lad," Zeus called.

 

His cupbearer came strolling up with an angelic look on his face. The youth was a good part of the reason that Zeus favored Fox Mulder, despite a distressing lack of worship on his part. Mulder resembled an older, less perfect version of his pet's beauty.

 

OooOooO

 

"What?" exclaimed Mulder. "You think I can improve?"

 

"Your nose gets in the way of your blow jobs at times," Walter mentioned.

 

"Hmmph, see if you get one," Mulder said.

 

"I like Mulder's nose," Alex remarked.

 

"Suck up," Walter remarked. "Now, who is telling this myth?"

 

"Hit or myth," Mulder had to say, "It's you."

 

OooOooO

 

"It's time for art appreciation," Zeus said. "Now take this ass."

 

"Oh, can I?" the cupbearer asked.

 

"Not now," Zeus said, "Let us consider the aesthetics and how the sculpture's beauty might be improved."

 

"I can't imagine how," Ganymede said. His eyes took on a sultry heat as he perused the oft used but still lovely bottom.

 

"I think the marble is unadorned. Much too white," Zeus said.

 

"It needs a spanking to be rosy?" Ganymede said.

 

"Exactly," Zeus agreed.

 

Before the errant god could scramble away, Zeus grabbed him and laid him over his knee, spanking him with his lightening bolt and causing horrible storms on Earth. Eros still had a grip on his bow and arrows so as he thrashed and begged for mercy, his arrows fell everywhere, causing all manner of problems as the oddest couples fell deeply in

love.

 

Batman and the Joker had been in the middle of an argument, but suddenly saw each other with different eyes. Amanda, the immortal thief fell in love with a cop, and a certain prince proposed marrige to a virtual commoner. In a field, a bull moose that had been stealing hay fell in love with a cow. It was a chaotic mess that would have delighted Eros had he planned it.

 

However, Eros was in no shape to appreciate the results of his fallen arrows. Zeus continued to spank him with his lightening bolt until Eros' butt was so hot that Vulcan wandering through used it as a forge to put the final touch on a new sword he was making. Mercury had to run from Olympus or all of the blood would have boiled out the top of his brain.

 

Of course, Zeus comforted Eros after the spanking. He comforted him so thoroughly that Hera created mad cow disease in revenge.

 

However, Zeus still meant to win this latest game against his sister and wife. With a tender kiss, on Cupid's lips, he sent Eros back to Earth. This time, knowing better than to give the distractible creature human form, he admonished Eros to complete this task speedily as himself.

 

Eros batted his lovely lashes at Zeus and said, "I only seduced Walter because he looked like you, my handsome King."

 

"Flattery won't work this time, Eros. I do not intend to lose this bet with Hera. Get down there and get it right, this time."

 

Dressed in a wisp of transparent linen, Cupid collected his remaining arrows and went off to do the King of the God's bidding.

 

Hera's playing piece, Ms. Dana Scully was holding the kid to one of her lovely breasts. Mulder apparently had finally overloaded on the sight; he didn't even bother to sneak a peek.

 

Glumly, Eros sat on a box of books and contemplated the human. God, he was gorgeous. Zeus should have known that Eros couldn't resist Fox Mulder. The man looked up at him and stared.

 

Eros startled. Not many modern humans could spot a Greek divinity, not if they were sober. Perhaps, Mulder was just woolgathering...

 

"Krycek, you bastard, you have a fucking lot of nerve haunting me! If you think you can make me feel guilty, you're so wrong!" Mulder yelled.

 

Scully wandered back in the room and asked, "Mulder, who are you talking to?"

 

"Krycek!" Mulder said, pointing to where Eros had been.

 

By that time, Eros had vanished, of course.

 

OooOooO

 

"That's how those Greek Gods are," Mulder said, "Hera today, gone tomorrow."

 

"Ouch," Walter said, "That hurt."

 

"Not that I don't love Scully and all, but why am I with her in this story?" Mulder asked.

 

"Keep listening," Walter said.

 

OooOooO

 

 

Walter continued, "By the time, Alex, I mean, Eros, arrived at Walter Skinner's apartment, the man didn't look his usual starched self. He was drinking, for one thing, and, for another, his clothes were untidy. His shirt was unbuttoned and his zipper was at half-mast."

 

"I like the unbuttoned part and the zipper being undone," Alex said, "But Walter shouldn't drink when he's depressed."

 

"Walter knew that, but he was very, very sad and he felt he had nothing left to live for," Walter said, his voice holding all the troubles that had burdened him at that time in his life.

 

"Needless to say, Eros wasn't happy with Walter," Walter said.

 

"You could at least look like one favored for a brief time by the God of Love," Eros mused.

 

In his normal state, Walter was unlikely to see Eros, but he had been abundantly worshipping Bacchus. Blearily, he peered at Eros and said, "I can take you both with one hand tied behind my back."

 

"Both?" Eros thought. Before he could ask, Walter lurched to his feet and grabbed him by the linen loincloth and by the delights so slightly concealed beneath.

 

Before Eros could say "Stupid Cupid", he was over the broad shoulders and being carried to the man's bed.

 

In case, Zeus was watching, Eros kicked his cute naked feet and pounded Walter's back, but he sincerely hoped that the man didn't take it seriously.

 

Nope, Walter was a tiger when he was aroused. He was a wild man. Damn, he'd never really let go with Eros when they were lovers. The god of love thought that the human saw him as a fragile youth when they had made love. Now, Walter wasn't holding back. Even drunk, Walter was powerful. His thrusts were worthy of Zeus in the form of a sacred white bull. His kisses were as hot as the God Mars gave and as fierce. If it were the old days, Eros would have cast him into the sky as a constellation as a reward for his prowess, but with all those stupid, spying telescopes, that was frowned on these days.

 

As his drunken human lover passed out, grinning hugely, Eros pouted for a while and then summoned Panic. Pan's offspring showed up, scratching his furry behind.

 

"Yeah? What's up? I was about to hack into Penthouse's secret files with the guys," Panic said.

 

"Call Mulder," Eros said.

 

"What? You can't use your old green eyed charms to get him over here?"

 

"Do it, Panic, or I'll tell daddy who gave the elm nymph that venereal disease," Eros said.

 

"You wouldn't?" Panic said.

 

"You bet your hairy ass, I would. Am I not the god of love? And it's well known that love is cruel," Eros said.

 

"Damn, you are such a bitch when you don't get your way," Panic complained.

 

Picking up the phone, Panic, who had been hanging out on Earth as a hacker named Frohike, called Mulder.

 

"Hey, bud, there's someone that needs your help," Panic said.

 

"Call 911. My Bat cape is at the cleaners," Mulder's voice said, faintly garbled from the distance.

 

Wow, Eros had seen Fox Mulder beat down, ass whipped, and plain ordinary bitchy, but he never had heard his voice sound so spiritless. He guessed that there was only so far you can push a guy. He had learned that from his bald stud, Walter.

 

OooOooO

 

"Are you sure this is going to be a happy ending kind of story?" Alex asked. He looked very troubled and his lip was doing that trembling thing that made Walter want to hold him tight and kiss him better.

 

"Don't worry," Walter said. "You'll like the ending."

 

OooOooO

 

"Meanwhile," Walter said. "Panic was still not successful at getting Mulder to listen. He was thinking about conjuring some donkey ears on Mulder so the man would open his ears and his mind."

 

"Hey," Mulder interjected. "Don't make an ass of me!" He started to hum the Rolling Stone's 'Beast of Burden' under his breath.

 

"Shhhh!" Alex said, "I'm trying to listen to this story."

 

"Thank you, Alex," Walter said, with great dignity.

 

OooOooO

 

"Meanwhile," Walter continued. "Back at Mulder's apartment . . ."

 

"Come on, Mulder. I had a tip to check on Skinner and, man, the guy's

in bad shape," Panic begged.

 

After Mulder realized that his friend, 'Frohike' was not going to give into his apathy, he agreed to meet him at Skinner's apartment. Eros checked his arrows and arranged Skinner's naked butt high on a mound of pillows. The well-muscled hams only needed a garnish to look edible. Lucky Mulder...

 

Panic eyed Eros and licked his chops. "How about a roll in the hay?" he offered.

 

Fluttering his lashes, Eros said, "You really want a roll in the hay?"

 

Frohike AKA Panic nodded. His human, but out-sized phallus stood purple from his goat-like haunches.

 

With a twitch of his nose, Eros conjured a bursting bale of hay and gracefully bowed, waving his hand at the fragrant feed. "Be my guest."

 

"Very funny," Frohike said, grabbing a succulent stalk to munch...damn those goat genes anyway.

 

OooOooO

 

The hay had to stay, Eros decided; it was that X-Files touch. He was perched ready to hit Skinner and Mulder with his arrows the moment the latter entered the door. Walter hadn't moved. He was still propped up in that 'spank me' position. Eros had to peel Panic off the man twice. Satyriasis was a hereditary problem with Pan's kids. Don't think that a semi-divinity's life was all faun and games.

 

Mulder must have continued his amazing streak of speed driving with never a real accident or a traffic ticket to his name. He burst in the door and almost fell over Frohike, who actually had never disguised himself to live on earth. Strange how no one noticed the man's goat-like behavior and appearance!

 

Ah, Mulder stopped dead in his tracks and his jaw fell open as he caught sight of Walter Skinner's upraised ass.

 

Faster than light, Cupid's arrows flew and found their home, quivering in Mulder's butt and Skinner's ass. Walter woke up with a yell and saw the object of his deep and hidden fantasies. Mulder's uncertain heart gave a leap and he felt complete and utter passion for the first time in his life.

 

Mulder muttered, "You better leave now, Frohike."

 

Of course, the hairy-palmed voyeur, with the hairy haunches, would have stayed, but Eros dragged him out of the apartment by a handful of chest hair.

 

OooOooO

 

Zeus was idling in his chariot as Ganymede waited, bearing a cup of wine, when Eros popped out of the ether into the throne room.

 

"Curse, foiled again," complained Hera from Olympus.

 

Eros grinned and poured his lovely body into Zeus' lap. "Home?"

 

"Home," Zeus said, "Good work."

 

Eros winked his green eye at the King of the Gods and said, "Want to spank me anyway, hot stuff?"

 

And, of course, he did...

 

After all, any spanking for Cupid was an Erotic spanking.

 

OooOooO

 

"That's the end of the story?" Alex complained. "Eros stayed in Olympus and left Mulder and Skinner alone?"

 

"Of course not," Walter said.

 

"Mulder and Skinner put their two heads together and realized that they wanted Alex err Eros back. So they went and grabbed Frohike to force the information out of him," Walter said. "They really panicked him."

 

"They went to the Olympic mountains in Washington State," Walter said. "That's was the closest entrance to Olympus was."

 

Alex nodded," That makes perfect sense."

 

"They climbed," Walter said, "For thirty days and thirty nights, stopping only to eat trail mix and sunflower seeds and occasionally to screw."

 

"Glad, they kept their priorities straight," Mulder interjected.

 

"Thus sustained," Walter continued, they girded their loins with fortitude and climbed into heaven using a divine rope that someone had left hanging there."

 

OooOooO

 

Eros should have been happy. After all he had two arms, an immortal life, and most of Zeus' love and attention, but he pined for his human lovers. Thinking back, Eros realized that he had inadvertently pricked himself with the arrows of love that were his unique weapon. Alas, there was no cure for love.

 

Left to fend for himself when Zeus went to a meeting with the higher pantheon of gods, Eros sighed and moped about the vast throne hall. He didn't even feel like autoerotic play.

 

Then wonder of wonders, Mulder and Walter appeared. They looked very tan and tired, but happy to see him.

 

Their kisses were things of wonder and Eros was so happy that there were astounding numbers of marriages on Earth. When love was happy, hearts warmed and the powers that be opened their hearts and even allowed lovers of the same gender to marry. It was a glorious, glorious few days!

 

"You must come away with us," Walter said. "Come back to earth, Alex."

 

Eros wanted to come yet he also loved Zeus. His big green eyes filled with tears, but, at last, he agreed.

 

Just as they were about to climb back down the rope to return to earth, Zeus caught them.

 

Zeus was furious, but he was also greatly intrigued by the mere humans who had seduced his heartless Eros.

 

Besides, Zeus was a sucker when Eros cried and big tears were rolling down those lovely cheeks.

 

Walter, of course, was a man who was well used to compromises.

 

"I have a proposition," Walter said. "I know our mortal years are but moments to you, King of the Gods. Let us borrow darling Eros for this brief spell of our life and when it is time to pass the mortal coil, you will have him back."

 

"A good enough bargain," Zeus said, "But not good enough."

 

"When it is time for Atropis to cut your thread, I will steal you all away and you will reside with me forever in Olympus," Zeus said, smirking with delight at the thought.

 

"You drive a hard bargain," Walter said. "But I think we will agree to it."

 

Mulder nodded and Eros threw his pretty arms around Zeus to kiss him a thousand times to thank him.

 

Before they left, Zeus threw a spell of forgetfulness on the three so they wouldn't give away his trade secrets, but he forgot that Mulder had the magic gift of never forgetting and, of course, Alex was never content to have any secret kept from him. So they all knew that they would have a happy ending and that's why they never worried very much when any of them was ill.

 

In Walter's arms, Alex said," I liked your story, Walter. I wish it was true."

 

"Don't worry, Alex," Walter said, "We will live forever as long as we have each other."

 

Mulder removed his clothing and slid into the big bed besides Alex. Walter leaned back and smiled as Alex let his sleepy eyes droop. 

 

Somewhere there was a distant sound of thunder, not a frightening sound, but a ripple of pops.

 

It was almost as if a distant god was laughing.

 

The end


End file.
